Tag Archives: Frog

Bear and the rabbit revenge …

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Bear disturbing

Hope you had to laugh

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Boy dragging a dead frog …

Shared by Bear Tales follower Canadian Dawn.

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A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

He came up to the doorstep of ‘a house of ill repute’ and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, ‘I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, ‘Do any of the girls have any diseases?’

Of course the Madam said ‘No’.

The boy said, ‘I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber – THAT’S the girl I want.’

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?’

He said, ‘Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.

After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys.

She will then get the disease that I just caught.

When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home.

On the way, he’ll give her one in the car and he’ll catch the disease..

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter’s, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE’S the prick who ran over my FROG!’

Thanks Dawn love your shares.

I know you had a laugh

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A family driving holiday …

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A family is driving in their car on holidays.

A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.

He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, “Please make my dog win the next dog race.”

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car.

The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, “Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area.

The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, “Could I please have another look at the dog?”

 

Bet you are laughing

Bet you are laughing

Bear is laughing

Bear is laughing

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With age comes wisdom …

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A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’

He looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ‘Pick me up.’

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’

The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!’

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, ‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’

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Still laughing

Still laughing

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Women are clever bitches …

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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.”

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes—that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better?”

The woman said, “That would be o.k.,” and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.”

The woman replied, “That will be o.k. because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.”

So, KAZAM, she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.”

The woman said, “That will be o.k. because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.”

So, KAZAM, she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a MILD heart attack.”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever bitches. Don’t screw with them.

Still laughing

Still laughing

Source: Email chain.

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Sex frogs …

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an ‘exotic’ pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs.

The sign says:

SEX FROGS

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Only $20 each!
Comes with ‘complete’ instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, ‘I’ll TAKE one!’

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, ‘Just follow the instructions!’

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully and does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, ‘If you have any problems or questions .. please call the pet store.’

So, she calls the pet store. The man says, ‘I’ll be right over.’ Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, ‘See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!’

The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares ‘directly into its eyes’ and STERNLY says:

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‘LISTEN TO ME!!

I’m only going to show you how to do this ONE MORE TIME 

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Now I really do think you laughed.