Tag Archives: Bar joke

A man walks into a bar and it is happy hour …

and it was happy hour!


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Siamese twins walk into a bar …

Don’t like driving on the right side it is all wrong LOL 😉

Bear Tales

Contributed by Bear Tales follower John.

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, “Don’t mind us; we’re joined at the hip. I’m John, he’s Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft please.”

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. “Been on holiday yet, lads?”

“Off to America next month,” says John. “We go to America every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don’t we, Jim ?” Jim agrees..

“Ah, America!” says the bartender. “Wonderful country … New York, L.A, Vegas ……”

“Nah, we don’t like that American crap,” says John.

“Meat pies and Fosters beer, that’s us, eh Jim? And we can’t stand the Yanks – they’re so arrogant and rude.”

“So why keep going to America?” asks the bartender.

“It’s the only chance that Jim gets to…

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Jack and the blonde …

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The sickest joke of all time …

Warning: This is one Sick joke


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Tramp walks into a bar and says to the bar man “Hey have you got a cocktail stick?”

The barman says “Sure” and gives him one.

Another tramp walks into the bar and says to the barman “Hey friend have you got a cocktail stick?”

The barman says “Okay” and gives him one.

A third tramp walks into the bar and says to the barman “Hey dude have you got a straw?”

The barman says “Hold on a minute two tramps before has just asked for cocktail sticks and now you’re asking for a straw what the hell is going on?”

The third tramp says “Well someone has been sick outside and all the best bits are gone”

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The best Irish joke …

Shared by Bear Tales follower Ian


AN oldie but still good for a laugh!

VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND

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John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO SEND THIS ON …


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Thanks Ian I know an oldie but had to laugh again.

We are laughing

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The cowboy …

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A bartender was washing a glass looking out the window of his saloon when he sees a cowboy tying off his horse and notices him go round the business end of his horse lifts the tail and kisses the horses asshole he then goes into the saloon and asks for whiskey!

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The bartender as he is pouring his drink says “in all my years I’ve never seen a cowboy do that to a horse before tell me stranger why?”

The cowboy says chapped lips!

The bartender says does that cure em?

The cowboy says hell no but sure stops ya from licking em.

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I only have six inches and drink a lot …

Shared by Bear Tales follower Ken


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A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.”

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

The small man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one.”

The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset?”

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So the small man begins his tale.

“Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar.

I thought, WOW this has never happened before you know it was kind of a fantasy come true.

Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while.”

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The small man says “I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true.”

He continued, “She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door.”

The blonde says, “Oh my god, it’s my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he’s gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!”

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“So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn’t hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he’s bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn’t see me.”

The bartender says “Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point.”

“Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, “who you been with now, you witch?”

The girl says, “Nobody, honey, now calm down.”

“Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I’m thinking, ‘Boy, I’m glad I didn’t hide in there.’ Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn’t hide under there either.

Then I heard him say, ‘What’s that over there by the window?’

I think, “Oh God, I’m dead meat now.”

But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking.

Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water running for a long time; I figure maybe he’s gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, “I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!”

The bartender says, “Oh man that would have gotten me mad for sure.”

“No, that didn’t really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They’re a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass.”

The bartender looks at the guy’s hands and says, “Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset.”

“No, that wasn’t what really got me so angry though.”

The bartender then asks in exasperation, “Well, then, what did finally make you angry?”

“Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down I was only about six inches off the ground.

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Bear thinks the moral of the story is don’t play around if you are only a small guy!

That's crazy

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