Do you want to be monitored during your performance?
The i.Con Smart Condom, which markets itself as the “world’s first smart condom,” is actually a ring that fits over a boring, dumb condom and claims to track the exercise of your man bits, as well as detect chlamydia and syphilis.
“It’s basically a Fitbit for your man bits that tracks thrust speed and velocity. But don’t be too hard on yourself.
According to the preorder page, the ring will answer questions such as:
What’s my thrust velocity?
How fast are my thrusts?
How many calories did that sesh just burn?
How many times did I just have sex?
What’s the average skin temperature of my… eggplant?
What’s my girth?
How many different positions did I just conquer?
Plus, it aims to answer that age-old question: How do I stack up at sex to everyone else around the world? Because sure, let’s gamify sex. What could go wrong?”
BEAR IS BEING SERIOUS THIS IS TECHNOLOGY OF THE FUTURE
“Passion Dust is a glittery, candy-flavoured dust designed to be placed inside your lady parts, and will reportedly add a little pizzazz to your late-night bedroom time. Makers Pretty Woman Inc describe it as “a sparkalized capsule that is inserted into the vagina at least one hour prior to having sexual intercourse”.”
Dangerous New Trend Has Women Inserting Glitter In Their Vaginas …
“As the capsule becomes increasingly warmed and moistened by the natural vaginal fluids it will begin to dissolve releasing the sparkling, candy flavoured passion dust inside of the capsule. [It’s] just enough to make your lover feel that your Yara (water-lady or little butterfly) is what all vaginas are supposed to look, feel and taste like; soft, sweet and magical!”