A friend told the blond man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
The blond guy then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
Two blonde men found three grenades, and they decided to take them to a police station.
One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”
The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the doctor.
“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”
A blonde man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the newspaper ad?” his wife asks.
“Here boy!” he replies.
(This one actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do scuba divers always dive backwards off their boats?”
To which the blonde man replies: “If they dived forward, they’d still be in the boat.”