- I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
- Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
- I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
- Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
- Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
