Sex education …

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The male teacher in a girls’ school asked the sex ed. class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?”

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal.”

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary’s reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. “Yes, Lilly?” asked the teacher.

“Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye.”

“Very good. Thanks, Lilly,” said the male teacher.

He then turned to the Mary, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: “Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!

 

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Save his life quick …

 

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A family driving holiday …

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A family is driving in their car on holidays.

A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.

He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, “Please make my dog win the next dog race.”

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car.

The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, “Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area.

The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, “Could I please have another look at the dog?”

 

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The old man on the park bench …

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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.

I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He told me, ‘I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’

I continued, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’

He added, ‘She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports on TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.’

I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’

He said, ‘For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.’

I inquired, ‘Well then, why in the world would you be crying?’

He replied, ‘I can’t remember where I live.’

 

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Paddy and Mick laid off …

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Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, ‘Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies’ knickers and thongs..’

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, ‘Diesel Fitter.’

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious.. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, ‘Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.’

‘What skill?’ yelled Paddy. ‘I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts ‘em over his head and says: ‘Yep, diesel fitter.’

 

Irish beer

 

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Great gifs 17 September 2014 …

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Some amazing gifs for laughs today …

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Hope you enjoyed and had a laugh!

 

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Today’s jokes 17 September 2014 …

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Funny jokes being shared around today we all need to laugh more …

 

10639600_693720624046173_259992788281716875_n Good parents Cyber bullying 10689442_737798419626100_7817575243384768708_n 10624594_10201605940109365_7172056098723730489_n ae5c0fb8-df39-4ee3-abac-161e5ac5ff86 10426254_10152365708822807_476303081010972933_n 10313373_766706063367884_557437367100781262_n 14 - 1 (1) 10659181_738532072886068_1984609400333591355_n

The end

Hope at least one gave you a laugh.

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The perfect man wants the perfect bride …

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An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, “They’re all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want.”

The man dated the first daughter.

The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, ” She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.”

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls. So the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

“Well,” the man replied, “She’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.”

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!”

So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born.

When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

 

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He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents.

“Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.

 

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Motorbike Crashes Into Cart – Just for Laughs Gags …

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A funny gag you will absolutely love this one…

“There’s nothing like the awful feeling of losing control of your bike – or doing it to someone else!”

Visit Just For Laughs Gags for many more I love them.

I know you are laughing!

 

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Share this if you are …

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