Little Johnny knows anatomy …

little johnny

 

Little Johnny and Little Susie were in 6th grade and they were going through a sex ed/anatomy section in class.

One day the teacher pulled down a diagram of the female anatomy and pointed at the breasts.

Then she asked “any of you girls know what these are called?”.

Little Susie promptly raised her hand and when called on answered “breasts, and my mom has two of them”.

The teacher praised her for the correct answer.

Then she pulled down a chart of the male anatomy and pointed at the penis and asked “any of you boys know what this is called?”.

Little Johnny could hardly contain himself and blurted out “yes ma’am, that’s a penis … and my dad has two of them!”.

The teacher scolded him for not waiting until called on to answer, and then said “Johnny, you’re partially correct … yes that’s a penis, but your father only has ONE of them”.

Little Johnny immediately said … “Oh no ma’am … he has TWO of them! He has a little one that he pees with and a big one he brushes mom’s teeth with”.

 

Little Johnny going far

 

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About these ads

The blonde builders …

 

lumber

 

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.

One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“All right. How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

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Probably were Bear’s builders!

 

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Results are in for oral sex survey …

Contributed by Bear Tales follower Brian …

Unfortunately Bear had no part in this survey!

 

60-6064-9RCD100Z

 

ORAL SEX SURVEY

5000 MEN WERE SURVEYED AS TO WHY THEY LIKE TO RECEIVE ORAL SEX.

1% LIKED THE WARMTH,

2% LIKED THE SENSATION,

3% LIKED THE EROTICISM,

94% JUST LIKED THE PEACE & QUIET.

 

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Want to buy a tie …

Contributed by Bear Tales follower Leslie entitled “British Humour” …

 

Taliban you are here

 

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan Desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a Royal Marine selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”

The soldier replied, “There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only 5 pounds.”

The Taliban shouted, “You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!”

“OK,” said the soldier, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Officers Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need.. “

Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped …

“They won’t let me in without a f***ing tie!”

Thanks Leslie I like that one!

 

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The new employee …

Golf cartoon

 

There was a man named George who got a new job.

His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.

They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.

George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.

On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00.

He golfed right handed and won the round.

Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again.

He shows up right on time, golf’s left handed, and wins the round.

This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.

The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.

They said, “George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?”

George replies, ”Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.

Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.”

”Well,” one of the employees questioned, ”What happens if she is laying on her back?”

George replies, ”Then I am 6 minutes late.”

 

Golf lost balls

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Great gifs 10 September 2014 …

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Some amazing gifs for laughs today …

 tumblr_naro3kxrXG1tx8vvwo1_400 av0vBzW_460sa aeNxdQQ_460sa Kid v dog - cute food tug of war 352042737 1408993080_1408210345_03 battle 1409101900_833407942 Kid Pillow Climb h9püpüö98

 

R75hwwy

 

Hope you enjoyed and had a laugh!

 

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Today’s jokes 10 September 2014 …

Peeping

Funny jokes being shared around today we all need to laugh more …

 

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The end

Hope at least one gave you a laugh.

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Buried in Concrete – Just for Laughs Gags …

Peeping

A funny gag you will absolutely love this one…

“What would you do if you accidentally buried a man in concrete? A totally real and not-cardboard pile of concrete?”

Visit Just For Laughs Gags for many more I love them.

I know you are laughing!

 

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Funny signs 8 September 2014 …

Peeping

You will get a laugh from these click an image to view slideshow …

Hope you enjoyed and had a laugh.

The end

 

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The two statues …

mf-statues

 

For many decades, two heroic statues of a male and a female faced each other in a city park until, one day, an angel came down from heaven with an announcement for them.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues for the community that I’m going to give you a special gift and bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time can do anything you want.”

Then, with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly at first, but soon dashed for the bushes.

Soon after, the angel could hear a good deal of giggling, laughter and shaking of branches.

Then, fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel as he winked at each of them.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Let’s do it again. Only this time, you hold down the pigeon down and I’ll shit on it’s head!”

 

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