Today’s jokes 9 June 2014 …

Funny jokes being shared around today we all need to laugh some more …

 

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Hope at least one gave you a laugh.

 

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The wife’s new tattoos …

Contributed by Bear Tales follower Brian …

 

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A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.

She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh.

 

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So the guy does it and it comes out looking good as well. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”

She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”

 

Bet you laughed!

Actually I don’t get it? Will you girls explain it to me?

 

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Sex shop thief caught wearing wig, dress and crotchless pants …

Contributed by Bear Tales follower Ken …

 

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A male thief wearing a dress and crotchless pants attacked a Brisbane sex store worker with sex toys during a bungled burglary.

Police say the 34-year-old man forced his way through the ceiling of the store in the northern suburb of Aspley in the early hours of Saturday morning.

The female manager of the store was alerted when the man set off an alarm.

When the owner confronted the man, who was wearing a wig, dress and crotchless pants, he allegedly threw a number of sex toys at the woman.

The thief climbed back through the ceiling and onto the roof where he was arrested by police.

The Murrumba Downs man has been charged with break and enter and possessing dangerous drugs.

 

Sex shop thief crashes through ceiling …

Earlier this week, another man fell through a sex shop roof during a botched burglary in Cairns.

Police allege the 22-year-old man grabbed a Fantasy Fetish pack, which contained items including a saddle, after crashing through the ceiling in the early hours of Thursday.

Witnesses called police who arrested the man nearby.

He faced a Cairns court on Friday on five theft and burglary related charges.

 

Source article: Burglar in crotchless pants attacks Brisbane sex store worker with toys it really happened!

 

Bet you laughed!

 

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This guy is desperate …

Contributed by Bear Tales follower Ken …

 

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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her “Darling, would you give me a blow job?”

Horrified, she replies “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

Him: “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

Her: “No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

Him: “Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”

Her: “No way. It’s just too risky!”

Him (horny as hell): “Oh please, please, I love you so much!”

Her: “No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!”

Him: “Oh yes you can. Please?”

Her: “No, no. I just can’t”

Him: “I beg you… ”

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: “Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom …”

 

Bet you laughed!

 

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Bear buys his girlfriend a birthday present …

Contributed by Bear Tales follower Ken …

 

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A young Bear wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note – romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he bought a pair of gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.

Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:

“Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Ken Bear

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”

 

Bet you laughed!

 

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